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Wednesday, September 30, 2009 @ 12:42 AM
Depression.

After all that is happening these days, i really feel very exhausted. I'm dead beat. I can hardly open my eyes in class. Yes, I haven't been able to sleep these days. I keep remembering about that incident! I've been pinching myself real hard to keep me awake these days in school, and... i did something real bad. ARGH!

Even my peepz are urging me to apologise sincerely to her, seriously. Bad dreams just seems to happen everything i close my eyes. I really want to apologise but i don't know how to. She will end up screwing me back. I hate myself for saying that in the first place, not only that but when she finally talked to me, i pissed her off. Its like the third day of ignoring each other and it sucks to the max. Really wish it would return to normal again, but even if so, it will be even more awkward. I don't know how to face her. After reading her post, i just lost my courage again to apologise to her now. I feel like a F-er doing that, now that she thinks of me differently i guess i had only myself to blame. Now all i want is just to say 'SORRY' , hopes she forgives me, things back to normal and get good results for EOY. That's all. But i don't think I'll dare to apologise to her tonight, she already thinks there was sarcasm in that previous apology, + the post. Damn. So now what? Should i just take the plunge and apologise later at night when she's online on msn or continue to ignore each other? I hate to ignore her but yeah, she wouldn't talk to me too. Sigh. Having a splitting headache now. God, please give me directions. I really want things to get back to normal and still be good friends with her.

Results are another burden, failing class tests like wtf. I really don't know what to do with myself. Screw myself or screw the things that are happening now? Sigh... Screw myself. Tsk. I hope she does read this, but then will anything change? Or will it not? Her Bpost really seems (i don't know what to say too)... seems like i just really lost a friend. Darn. My world seems so dark now, depression i think will start kicking in. Save me, someone. Painkillers...